


posh.

by earltrancy



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, First Meetings, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 09:54:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13164501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earltrancy/pseuds/earltrancy
Summary: Now pressed against a wall, Phil wonders, not for the first time, if there's some secret way he can avoid these random encounters.He almost cracks a smile at that, because maybe he plays so many video games that it makes sense that his life would turn into one - but this isn't a Pokémon or a friendly Undertale citizen.The person holding Phil’s gaze as he silently wishes he could phase through the bricks at his back like ghost Willow in that one Buffy Halloween episode looks more like a Mortal Kombat enemy, actually.__________Phil gets trapped by an ugly stranger with a muddy accent, then saved by a pretty one who speaks the Queen's English.





	posh.

Now pressed against a wall, Phil wonders, not for the first time, if there's some secret way he can avoid these random encounters.

He almost cracks a smile at that, because maybe he plays so many video games that it makes sense that his life would turn into one - but this isn't a Pokémon or a friendly Undertale citizen.

The person holding Phil’s gaze as he silently wishes he could phase through the bricks at his back like ghost Willow in that one Buffy Halloween episode looks more like a Mortal Kombat enemy, actually.

 _Phil will you stop thinking about your nerdy crap this guy might have a knife or something oh my God_ is the first relevant thought he manages to string together as his reality snaps back.

This is the wrong side of town for bright colors, isn't it? He remembers a warning from his mum about something like that; he didn't really take it to heart at the time. 

“Jus’ gonna stand there ‘n stare, then?” The stranger jeers at him in a smug tone and a smeary city accent. “Like a deer in th’ bloody ‘eadlights, you ah. Why not run, mate? Look scared enough t’ run.”

Phil chews on his lip silently for a moment before realizing he’s expected to respond.

“Doubt I’d b-be fast enough.” Phil’s voice comes out much smaller than he intended, and he shrinks in on himself further when the stranger laughs.

“D-d-don’t fink so, ‘uh?” he mocks, tilting his head with a step forward that makes Phil flinch, eyes squeezing shut until he's laughed at again. “Ravver jus’ lie back ‘n take it?”

The man grins to himself and guffaws as if he’s made some amusing discovery. He closes in on Phil, snapping his rolled-forward shoulders back up against the wall - Phil gasps and makes a choked sound.

“Mm, bet’cha’d bloody _love_ that, wouldn’t’cha, poofter?” 

Phil squeezes his eyes shut again. He presses his lips together so hard he can feel teeth marks, and a sound like hiccups comes from the back of his throat as he shakes his head no. No, no, no, because this isn't happening. 

“Is you cryin’ ah’ready, poof? Christ, least lemme give you somefin’ta cry about.” 

He hears another ugly laugh and both hears and feels a crack, and then he's on his knees.

Oh. So that's what this is.

Phil looks up at the stranger, wordlessly pleading _please don't please no,_ and promising the universe he’ll always listen to his mum, he’ll never put new shoes on the table or open an umbrella inside if it’ll please let him just forget this when it's over.

And then there's footsteps.

“If that's the only way you can get guys to blow you, I think the problem lies elsewhere.”

Both Phil and his attacker's heads snap towards the sound.

A tall, smartly-dressed man stands to the side of them, looking at the other stranger with one eyebrow raised.

“I mean, really, how hard would it have been to just start a conversation? Well, I suppose for you that might not be the simplest of skills, but you could have at least given it a go.”

“Oi, ever ‘eard of mindin’ ya business, mate? Fuckovv.”

“Ever heard of not making a scene? Isn't the point of shit like this to _not_ get caught? Not that I’m recommending it in the first place, don't get me wrong, you absolutely disgust me.”

The Mortal-Kombat-enemy stranger gives the Kirito-slash-Disney-prince stranger a confused, infuriated look just as Phil realizes he’s thinking in nerd terms again.

Phil flinches when the look is turned on him. “What's all’uh vis, then? Posh kid ya boyfriend or somefink?”

“What if I am?” The - he has to agree - posh stranger responds before Phil can. “Would that be of some particular interest to you? Because, again, can’t say you have the most _incredible_ method of picking up guys in the first place.” His voice was calm and even and quietly enraged. Soothing, terrifying. 

The Northerner in Phil thinks he sounds like the Queen. He dismisses the thought to himself with a cringe.

The man takes a few steps towards Phil and his assailant. “I can recommend a therapy clinic if you’d like to seek help for whatever the fuck is wrong with you. Otherwise, I'll just implore you do a four-second Google search on how flirting works at some fucking point, because _this,”_ he gestures down to Phil, now standing almost nose to nose with the other man, _“isn't quite it, mate.”_

He flinches back and grimaces under the second stranger's intensity. “I ain't som’ fookin’ fag like yous is,” he mumbles, “‘N I ain't dealin’ wit no bloody poofty psych’ipaff, fooksake..” He backs away a few steps, raising his hands.

The prince - as Phil has most definitely not been calling him in his head nearly this entire time - juts his chin out at the first man, and that's all it takes. 

He fucks right off in the opposite direction. Phil’s pretty sure that's not even the way he was going.

“Fucking walking abortion advert.”

Phil looks up with an incredulous laugh. “What?”

“Not you,” he corrects. “I meant _that_ very important contribution to society, back there - here, wait.”

He faces Phil and offers him his hands, which Phil - after a slight flinch - happily takes, rising to his feet.

“There, that's better. Are you alright? Did he hurt you?”

The stranger’s hands go from Phil’s hands up to his cheeks before resting on his shoulders, almost like a concerned parent would. Or a prince. 

“No, no, I'm okay. Just my shoulders hurt a little,” - the hands on his shoulders are immediately gone - “and where I landed on my knees. And my pride, I guess.” He forces a laugh and brushes hair out of his eyes. “I’m Phil, by the way.”

“Dan.” The prince - damn it - _Dan_ smiles at him, and Phil feels like his legs are made of gelatin. “Not the best conditions, but, nice to meet you.”

Phil can't help but smile back. “Nice to meet you too,” he laughs.

“Now, forgive me, but I can't help but think you're a bit lost, Phil.”

He blushes. “What was your first clue?”

With a roll of his eyes, Dan gives him a smirk that brings Phil’s putty-in-his-hands feeling right back. “May I walk you to the train station?”

“...Please.”

Dan starts to cross the road nearest them, and Phil follows a few steps behind until they get to the pavement, where Dan looks back, meets Phil’s eye with a smile, and moves to the left. Phil naturally falls into step beside him.

“Hey, Dan?”

“Yeah?”

Phil bites his lip. “What were you going to do to that guy?”

“Nothing.”

Phil stops in his tracks. “What?”

A coy smile crosses Dan’s lips. “I’m not the fighting sort.”

With a motion for Phil to catch up, Dan keeps walking. Phil blinks.

When he's back at Dan’s side, he doesn't miss the self-satisfaction written across his new companion’s face.

He’s just confident enough to be scary, and the fucker knows it. And _that's_ what he says?

Phil stifles a giggle behind his hand. “You're so posh.”

“I am _articulate,_ thank you.” There's a bubble of a laugh in Dan’s voice, and when he and Phil finally meet eyes, it bursts.

The articulate prince’s laugh is one he could get used to, Phil decides.

**Author's Note:**

> ⚘ tumblrs:  
> main / ourstarbucksofa  
> nsfw writing / glitchdh
> 
> guess which dan video i was thinking about today lmao  
> ive never written a proper au for these boys but this popped into my head and it exists now


End file.
